Returning a customer’s voicemail is usually innocent enough. Usually you don’t have enough information (sometimes not even a name, just a “Call me back at X”) and so you’re looking for more information before you can give an answer.

So that is why I called the customer back, as there was no info in the voicemail. The customer was a guy, the voice on the line a woman. So at first I thought maybe I’d hit a wrong number. So I asked for the customer by his first name. And guess what? Wrong move. The customer’s wife laid into me, calling me a home-wrecker among other unpleasantries. I tried interrupting once to let the wife know her mistake and it just got worse. I was actually highly amused, to be yelled at this time for nothing whatsoever to do with our work, so I staid on the line (Hell I’d have to call back eventually.) Finally, she demanded I explained myself. So I did. It was highly awkward when she realized that, no I wasn’t a home-wrecker but was calling about their family photos they ordered.

One of my first support sessions of the morning “Shall I go now?” and I replied “If you wish.” and then started cracking up. Man Dollhouse was a good show.

I’m doing an IM session with someone and they don’t like my answer and say “well the Voices on the phone said you could do this!!!!!!!!!!!” I asked who the ‘Voices” were and they couldn’t tell me, but after this everything I say is followed up with “thats not what the Voices said….”

Overheard in Tech Support:

“No, we didn’t have a warning notice saying you couldn’t microwave your photobook. The world’s full of uncertainty, so use some [f-ing] common sense.”

Some days I miss tech support, others I just shake my head and wonder how the world keeps dropping in IQ.

Client: So how will people know how to get to our ordering site beyond having a link up on our website, and the store finder from yours?

Me: You market your site, you can do newsletters, banners in-store, purchase ads, etc.

Client: No no no. I mean without doing all that, without telling them about the site, without giving them a link, how will they know where to go?

Me: They won’t….you have to market it.

Client: That sounds overly complicated. They should just know.

More notes for the sales team to tell new clients:

1.       Must have a PC which is connected to the internet.

2.       We do not provide internet service.

3.       We do not provide subliminal marketing.

4.       We do not train in telepathy.

After a client had been with us for a year…

Client: “Okay I’m ready to install the software I just got a PC!”

Me: “Great, log into your admin site! Download & install the software.”

Client: “It won’t let me!”

Me: “Are you doing this on the PC? Remember we can’t install on a Mac.”

Client: “Oh, well I don’t have internet on the PC.”

Me: “How were you going to download the online orders then?”

Client: “On My Mac!”

Me: “That’s not going to work, you needed a PC to install the software, its the software that downloads your online orders, so it needs internet access.”

Client: “Well that’s just stupid, you said I needed a PC, so I got a PC, you never said I needed internet access! I don’t have internet access at my store!”

Me: “Then where are you now?”

Client: “At home. I thought the orders would download here and then automatically print on at the store.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s not how its going to work.”

Client: “You don’t provide internet with those internet orders?”

Me: “No…”

Me: I see you have orders pending, are you having any problems?

Client: Yes & we have no idea when it will be fixed.

Me: About that order what would you like me to tell the customer?

Client: Tell them to get their damn prints at COMPETITOR.

Me: You realize that is a competitor right?

Client: Yeah so what? If they can’t wait for their order then they should go elsewhere.

Me: Aren’t you are a one hour store?

Client: So?

Client: Its red!

Me: Yes, but there are no other errors right?

Client: No there isn’t, but its RED!

Me: I see that, but if you can print the order, and there are no other errors, what is the problem?

Client: ITS RED!

Me: Okay I’m just going to turn off your notifications…then it won’t be red.

Client: Good! While you are at it, could you make it a less threatening color, like Pink?

Client:

So, since Twilight is so big, and teens have started pretending to be werewolves, we wanted to know if you could put the phases on the moon on all of the calendars, so that way these teens can plan when to shape-shift. We think this will be a huge selling point with calendars!

Its been a while since I posed on here. I’ve been so busy being a tech support elf fixing things and this hasn’t left me much time to do personal geeky stuff. (For instance today I worked 5 hours on a single issue…ugg!)

As you know previews for the Wizarding World of Harry Potter have been going on this past week, and bits and pieces are getting out to the public! I’m so excited, however I’ll probably have to wait a year to go. My plan is to go once the new version of Star Tours opens up at Disney so I can make it a double whammy trip: Star Wars and Harry Potter. A trip made in heaven!

But until that time of bliss, I’ll leave you all with an exciting contest: Win an Exclusive Harry Potter Wand! You can find information here on how to enter. This wand has a custom box stating its for the grand opening! Anyone would be lucky to have such a fine wand, let alone a collectors item like this. Please note, looking at the wand, it does appear to be the “Hermione Granger” model and not actually Harry’s, but I like the Hermione model better anyway! So go check it out!